Films I’m not going to see

As I haven’t really watched anything this weekend and I’ve reported on my most recent forays into the cinema I thought I’d look at the films I definitley wont be seeing this may, and the reasons why, it may be a little controversial but should be good, I’m hoping.
Firstly Water for elephants, where do i start? this has all the hallmarks of a chick flick, with the added disability of having the wooden one himself Robert Pattison as the star. I dont go to his films specifically and my daughter would kill me if she read this but he is so off putting, I like my hollywood starts to show some charisma and style, not be a moody teenager who sulks relentlessly, think more Bradd Pitt and George Clooney, guys you’d like to share a few drinks with, you get the idea. As the female lead is the decent Reese Witherspoon it should counterbalance the Rpatz factor but she looks so much older than she is in the trailers and even Christopher Waltz who is always good, looks like a pastiche villain from 1920s silent movie, its about a circus, dont get me started on that one, and it starts with the character being really old and reminicsing about his life, so no jeapordy there then, all in all this seems to be my worst nightmare and I wont be sorry when the slot in the cinema gets filled by some testosterone fuelled fun.
Secondly Pirates of the carribean 10 or which ever number it is now, dont get me wrong I loved the first film and found Johnny Depp enthralling as everyone else did, Kiera Knightley was gorgeous as well and the film was fun, but, and its a big but. The captain jack sparrow show is not enough to centre a whole film let alone three or four and the faux english pirate accent is totally annoying, not charming as its intended to be. the idea that the royal navy would have dealt with him once is comical, twice ludicrous and three times beyond the pale, the use of mythological fantasy is also blah, mermaids, davy jones and now the fountain of youth, please , he’s a pirate they were mean filthy men who raped , murdered and then raped again I can suspend belief to the idea that he may have once in a while acted unselfishly but to do so continuously isnt for me, dont get me wrong I’m not recommending for anyone else not go, if it floats your boat then knock yourself out but dont ask me to carry your popcorn.
finally and most simple to explain is Something Borrowed, with the only discernable star being Kate Hudson and a plot about best friends loving the same guy or something and a wedding and lots of high jinks along the way, makes me want to vomit just thinking about it. this is pure unaldulterated chick flick style rom com and i wont subject myself to anything so base. so there you have my reasons for not seeing some of the films offered this week in the local multiplex, take from it what you wish